My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
