i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
