Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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