They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
