if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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