a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize