i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
