He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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