He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
