I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I cannot find my penis.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
