when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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