i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
