Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
