If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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