And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
