Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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