Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
