her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
