You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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