READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude i'm inner monologue high
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
