Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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