Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
