You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
