You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
