the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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