What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
