so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
