Plan B is the new Plan A
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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