I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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