Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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