Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
