Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
