I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
