I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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