I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
