so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
