I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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