i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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