It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
