I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
