stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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