Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
