I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
