Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
