you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
