Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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