Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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