My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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