White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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