Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
