Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
