I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
