i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
