He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize