Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
