Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
