and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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