I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
