I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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