You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
