I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
