I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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