I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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