make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
