I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize