alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
