so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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