Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so let's talk penis.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
