So many bounce houses so little time
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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