He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I supernannyed him into submission
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
