i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
