I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
