Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
