A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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